I

I

Theadora Curtis

When I was a kid

and Santa was up north

and my teeth brought me money

I’d sit at the high kitchen table

and my feet would dangle from the stool

and I would put my palms face down

and I would close my eyes

and I would envision my school

and my town

and then the city

and then the continent how it looked on maps

and the beach and the ocean and the trees and the forests

and then I would envision the world and the sky

and I would move farther out and envision more sky, and the earth was smaller

and farther out so that I could see around the earth

and farther out so that there were stars

and farther out so that there were stars in blackness

and farther out so that there were stars and planets in blackness

and galaxies

and blackholes

and I would imagine that I wasn’t there

I would imagine all these things continuing as they were

but I wasn’t there

so that I could imagine not being there

and my stomach would drop

like I was on a roller coaster

and my mom would say something to me

but I couldn’t really hear

and my eyes were still closed

and I would really focus

and I could almost really imagine the sensation of not being

but I think I was always there

a little.

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